If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
