i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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