So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
