Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
