did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
