I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
