where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
