I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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