im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
