i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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