we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
