Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize