Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
