Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize