you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
