i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
