I swear she didn't look like that last week.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
