I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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