My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
