mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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