I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
