Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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