Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize