I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
