So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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