I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
