Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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