and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
