Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So much Jack, so little girl.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
