Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
