Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
