i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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