i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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