I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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