my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
