She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
