she looked like the before picture.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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