Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize