let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize