no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Randomize
