definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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