I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
