This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
