His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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