I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
