i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
