Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My penis needs a shock collar
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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