If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
