yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Don't make out with my wife yet
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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