He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
