He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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