I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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