She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
