it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
