Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
