Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize