just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I want to be your penis for a week.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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