Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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