New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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