This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
