maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
