We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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