How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
