my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
