So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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