Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
then he tried to convert me to islam
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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