Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize