even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i think i just lost a toe
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
