So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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