There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
