he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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