I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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