Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
